THE WATERMELON BOMB

  ABOUT 1950, CARDIN HAD ONLY ONE "NIGHTSPOT".  UNLIKE PICHER, THE TOWN OF CARDIN HAD ONLY ONE BEER TAVERN.  ONE SATURDAY NIGHT DURING THE SUMMER, THE JOINT WAS REALLY GOING STRONG. THERE WERE CARS PARKED UP AND DOWN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE HIGHWAY FROM STRING-TOWN ROAD UP TO THE PARKING LOT OF THE ASSEMBLY OF GOD CHURCH.  THE BEER TAVERN WAS LOCATED DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY UNCLE CARL'S GROCERY STORE.  THE FRONT DOOR OF THE
BEER TAVERN WAS WIDE OPEN AND YOU COULD SEE THE CROWD INSIDE.  EVERY BOOTH WAS FULL AND THERE WERE PEOPLE DANCING TO THE JUKE BOX.
  ME AND MY FRIEND DOYLE HOWELL WERE SITTING ON THE BENCH ON THE FRONT PORCH OF THE GROCERY STORE.  WE WERE HOPING SOMEONE WE KNEW WOULD BE EITHER COMING OR GOING SO WE COULD TALK THEM INTO BRINGING US A COLD BEER, BECAUSE WE WERE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO GO INSIDE.  AFTER A PERIOD OF TIME, WE GOT BRAVE AND JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR AND RIGHT UP TO THE BAR AND ORDERED A BEER.  THE BARTENDER IMMEDIATELY TOLD  US TO GET OUT.
WE THOUGHT THAT HE WAS RATHER RUDE ABOUT IT, AND OUR PRIDE WAS MORTALLY INJURED.  WE RE-GROUPED ON THE FRONT PORCH OF THE STORE AND STARTED THINKING OF A WAY WE COULD GET REVENGE.
  DOYLE LIVED ONLY ABOUT A HALF BLOCK FROM THE GROCERY STORE.  HIS DAD ALWAYS RAISED A BIG GARDEN EVERY SUMMER.  I HAD SEEN SOME VERY LARGE WATERMELONS IN HIS DAD'S GARDEN.  WE WENT TO DOYLE'S HOUSE AND WENT OUT TO THE GARDEN.  WE FOUND A VERY LARGE OVER-RIPE WATERMELON.  IT WAS PERFECT FOR WHAT WE HAD IN MIND.  WE TOOK A BROOM STICK AND PUSHED IT DOWN INTO THE CENTER OF THE WATERMELON.  WE THEN TOOK THREE LARGE FIRECRACKERS CALLED MD-80'S.  THEY HAD THE EXTRA LONG FUSE.  WE TWISTED THE THREE FUSES TOGETHER VERY TIGHTLY
AND INSERTED THE THREE MD-80 FIRECRACKERS INTO THE HOLE IN THE CENTER OF THE WATERMELON. 
THESE MD-80'S WERE VERY POWERFUL.  WE THEN WADDED UP SOME NEWSPAPER AND TAMPED IT VERY TIGHTLY INTO THE HOLE AND UP TO THE SURFACE OF THE WATERMELON.  ONLY ABOUT ONE INCH OF THE TWISTED FUSES WAS STICKING OUT.
AS I SAID PREVIOUSLY, IT WAS SUMMER AND THE FRONT DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN. THE FLOOR INSIDE THE TAVERN WAS ABOUT A FOOT LOWER THAN THE STREET LEVEL. THERE WAS A SLIGHT INCLINE OR RAMP WHICH STARTED AT THE DOOR AND GRADUALLY WENT DOWN TO THE FLOOR LEVEL INSIDE.  WE CARRIED THE WATERMELON UP TO THE DOOR.  THE CROWD INSIDE WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN AND THE DANCE FLOOR WAS FULL AS THE JUKE BOX "BLARED AWAY, THAT NO ONE NOTICED US.  WE STAYED JUST BESIDE THE FRONT DOOR AS WE PLACED THE WATERMELON IN THE CENTER OF THE DOORWAY.  IT WAS TIME TO LAUNCH OUR REVENGE.  WE LIT THE FUSES AND GAVE THE WATERMELON A GOOD PUSH, ROLLING IT DOWN INTO THE
CENTER OF THE FLOOR.  WE BARELY RAN BACK ACROSS THE STREET WHEN WE HEARD A DULL BUT VERY LOUD "KA-BOOOOOOOM".  ALL OF A SUDDEN THE PEOPLE  STARTED POURING OUT OF THE TAVERN LIKE BEES OUT OF A
DISTURBED HIVE.  ONE MAN WAS HEARD TO SAY "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT??".  ANOTHER MAN SAID "I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHATEVER IT  WAS, IT'S ALL OVER ME".  A WOMAN SCREAMED, "IT'S ALL IN MY HAIR".  THEN THE BARTENDER EMERGED YELLING "IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON THE ONES WHO DID THAT".  THE GALA SATURDAY NIGHT PARTY AT THE CARDIN TAVERN ENDED, BECAUSE MOST EVERYONE WENT HOME TO GET THE "STICKY STUFF" OFF THEM.  WITHIN 10 MINUTES, THE CARS WERE ALL GONE, AND THE TAVERN CLOSED EARLY.
MANY YEARS AFTER THAT EVENT, I WAS IN THE MILITARY SERVICE AND WAS BACK HOME IN CARDIN VISITING MY PARENTS, OTT AND FAYE HEATHERLY. 
I WENT DOWN TO THE TAVERN AND WAS SITTING AT THE BAR HAVING A BEER.  I HAPPENED TO GLANCE UP TO THE CEILING.  THAT BUILDING HAD ONE OF THOSE OLD STAMPED SHEET METAL CEILINGS.  AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS, I COULD STILL SEE SOME DRIED WATERMELON SEEDS CLINGING TO THE CEILING AND SOME WERE HANGING.  ALL OF A SUDDEN, I REMEMBERED THE INCIDENT OF THE "WATERMELON BOMB" AND I STARTED LAUGHING.  THE BARTENDER LOOKED AT ME SORT OF STRANGELY AND SAID "WHAT'S SO FUNNY??". 
I REPLIED, "OH, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY
THAT HAPPENED HERE IN CARDIN, A LONG, LONG, TIME AGO”. 
DID I TELL HIM THE STORY:  NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
 
Elmer Heatherly